I stood in respect; the back of my legs touching the edge of the pew.
I began to cry the second I saw you walking down the aisle, behind your parents.
Your black leather jacket hung lazily off your shoulders, as your sweaty hands clutch a ceramic coffee cup.
Your messy hair, still wet from the shower, contrasted with your pale skin, and the bags underneath your fire brown eyes make them look more frightened than anything else.
Slowly, like a ghost, you walk past. Eyes forward, heart pounding, mouth dry.
My heart is bursting with fluid sympathy. The growing urge to hold you close and dance you back to reality brings even more tears to my pink stained eyes.
The room is full of heavy hearts, and kleenex boxes. Soft voices from the preacher lady, who is very good at pretending to care about your brother. She makes us all laugh, cry, and think about things we never thought about. Like, how it’s not our fault that he did this. But, I never thought about that anyways.
If you were the one who took your life, I would have blamed myself. I will.
The service is over. None of your friends showed up.
Your best friend would have been beside you the entire day. He would have worn a dress shirt, and paired it with torn up, greasy jeans.
I can’t believe
you had to watch his ashes float in the air
only a week ago.
For the same reasons now,
you have to watch your brothers fly, too.
What kind of a God allows this to happen to somebody?
What kind of devil thinks this will win him another soul?
It is the heaviest calling I have ever had on my heart to be there for you RIGHT NOW.
If this is to be my purpose, I will dedicate my life to fixing you.
I want to wrap the pieces of your heart in my blanket.
I want to climb that tree with you.
I want to sing to you.
I want to dance with you.
We sat together, away from the crowd of people who didn’t know what to say. You were obviously on drugs, I would have been, too. We sat for an hour, throwing candy at each other, trying to heal the tiny scratches around the wound.
I will show you the love that you need. I promise. I will give you that smile that nobody knows you need so desperately. I will breath love back into you, Exhale the love you have lost; the love that was taken from you.
Don’t let this pain destroy you.